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AAARGGGGH. There's something at the back of the mind. Making me feel very unsettled. Uneasy. Frustrated. AAARGGGH. Even now I have to concentrate fully otherwise I'll lose my train of thought. My mind keeps wondering to that something. And I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
I suppose it's probably due to choir. Something. But I can't pinpoint it. I mean, not the choir, but ME when I'm in choir. I feel like I lost what little technique I had before. I can barely hold a note! I can't sing. And all that talk about "feeling the music". I'm very doubtful of myself. I feel like I can't express myself properly. Stupid INTP. Hopefully it's just some temporary problem or something...
Anyway this feeling I've got right now... it's not really a sense of failure. It's... a blend of urgency (for something- I don't know what!), frustration, disappointment, and 'direction-less'. Sigh. Now when I think about FFXII, the game I've been really crazy about recently, I don't feel like playing it! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Anyway today's been really messed up. Besides choir I had PW oral presentation rehearsal today. At 8.30am. And I woke up at 9am. NINE. And that was only cos my group member called me. It's funny really cos just that night (or early morning actually) when I went to bed I decided to leave my phone on in case the alarm didn't work. And sure enough, either I slept through the ringing, or the alarm clock didn't work. Ah well. Luckily some other group which was supposed to present after us went first. But then after that I got really nervy and did worse than the previous presentation. Sigh.
I'm more at peace now. But I still feel uneasy. I wanna get rid of this feeling. But I dunno what's wrong.
I think I need to go back to routine. Maybe I'm feeling how I feel now cos I overslept, sang like crap, and... I really hate that I can't express my feelings and thoughts and everything else!
Everything please go back into place.
hyperxi's life @
11/01/2006 09:47:00 pm
