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Note: This post is meant to be read as if it's been posted on Friday, not Saturday. And if you're planning to read this whole post, be forewarned- it's one HUGE post. Longer than my MRP, lol. Just over 3100, not including the 1400-word script, which was not written by me. Spent almost 3 hours on this... Some opening music plays) Host: Hi! Welcome to “Live with Calvin”, your favourite relationship help line show! Let me take my first call tonight. Host: Hi, you’re live with Calvin! Caller: Hi Calvin! I am Ah Boy ah. I am very shy one lor. I want to find some one to pak tor, but like tah pai cannot get the right gal lor. Can you give me some advice? Host: Well. There is a general rule when it comes to dating women. The type of women you should avoid like the plague. Type 1 – the possessive freak, or stalker. Scenario 1: Possessive girl Narrator: It is one in the afternoon, on Friday the thirteenth. Stalker: Hello honey! What are you doing now? BF1: Having lunch with my colleagues. Stalker: Male colleagues? BF1: Yes, male colleagues. Stalker: Are you sure? I thought I heard a girl’s voice. BF1: Honey, that’s the waitress. Stalker: Well, to be sure, I should talk to her. BF1: Honey, don’t be silly! How can I hand my phone over to a waitress? Stalker: Well I don’t care. Do it NOW. BF1: Honey, PLEASE. Stalker: Fine. Say you love me. Blow me a kiss. NOW. BF1: What? Sorry? Stalker: Dear, I’m not joking here. BF1: Fine, fine, I love you. Stalker: (Act cute tone) I love you too, honey! Bye! (Scene changes, now a shopping trip) (Stalker is talking, BF1 looks around) Stalker: Hey, how come you aren’t listening to me! BF1: Huh? Stalker: (Grabs BF1’s head and turns it towards her) I want you to look at me throughout this entire shopping trip. Me me me! Me ONLY! (BF1 shrieks in agony) (Scene changes back to Live with Calvin) Host: Hard life, that one. The second type of girl you should never date is none other than the bimbo. Scenario 2: bimbotic girl (Scene changes, now BF2 and bimbo are in front of Wisma Atria) Narrator: It is 10 in the morning right in front of the doors of Wisma Atria. BF2: (Tries to hold bimbo’s hand, but gets shrugged off) Don’t you want to hold my hand? Bimbo: (Grumbles) Oh honey, I just had a manicure! (Stares at nails, then suddenly becomes very pleased) Oh honey, don’t you think they’re so PINK? BF2: Oh, ok. (Stares weirdly at audience) Bimbo: You know the other day; there was this guy on the road who asked me, “How do you get to the other side?” Then I told him, aren’t you already on the other side of the road? Don’t you think it’s so funny??! (Starts laughing hilariously) (BF2 forces a laugh) Host: Now, the final type of girl you should never date is the chor lor girl, or hen pecker. (Scene returns to Live with Calvin) Scenario 3: Chor lor girl CLG: Oi! You listening to me or not! BF3: Er, yes I am. (Pretty girl walks past, played by Yeong Chyn) CLG: Eh, that girl pretty or not? BF3: Ok lah. CLG: What ok lah! She prettier or I prettier? (Points umbrella at BF3’s neck) BF3: Err. Erm. Different kind of pretty. CLG: What different kind of pretty!? BF3: Just different lah! CLG: I don’t care, I want an answer! (Jabs BF3 with umbrella) BF3: Err you prettier you prettier. CLG: Good. Next time when I ask a question, I want a definite answer. (Puts umbrella down) BF3: Ok. CLG: Anyway, if one day, your mother and I fall into the river together, whom will you save? BF3: Huh I don’t know leh. CLG: Liar! How can you not know? BF3: Erm (hesitates). My mother I suppose. You can swim and she can’t. CLG: (Shrieks) What?? (Hits him with umbrella) Host: Time for commercial break. Be right back. (**Applause!!) Commercial break: COURTS First board: We apologize for this low budget advertisement Second board: But for what we lack in, we make up with high quality performance Third board: Low budget ad, high quality skit Courts, serving you better.(people rush out) (Back to Live with Calvin) Host: Welcome back to Live with Calvin. So much for the girls. Let’s take our second call. Caller: Hello, Calvin ah. I am Ah Girl ah. I am trying to find a date lor, but Hwa Chong boys got like so many types, how to choose? Host: Well, like women, there are some men you should avoid like the plague. The others would be fine. The first type – the mama’s boy. (Scene changes: HCJC, where MB and GF1 are preparing to go out.) Scenario 4: Mama’s boy GF1: Hey, where do you want to go today? MB: Er, I don’t know leh. GF1: Come on, you’re a guy! You should make a decision! Be a man! MB: Huh… (thinks for a while) Oh I know! We can ask my Mummy. She knows everything. GF1: (Xian diao) Oh ok forget it forget it. We’ll just walk around. (MB shrugs) (Walking, walking, GF1 tries to hold his hands, but MB jerks away.) Hey! What’s your problem? MB: Err, my mummy says we cannot have physical contact until after marriage. If you want to touch me, let’s get married first! GF1: Not even holding hands? (MB shakes head guiltily, GF1 totally exasperated) GF1: Eh, why don’t we go to the beach? MB: (Panics) Huh! Cannot! My mother says there might be tsunami! Cannot cannot. GF1: (ARGH!!) Go marry your mother then! (Storms off) (Back to Live with Calvin) Host: So much for obedience. Type 2 is the fickle minded, flirtatious guy, otherwise known as the playboy. Scenario 5: Fickle minded (Scenario changes: PB walks in with GF2, holds a comb, licks it, and runs it through his hair) (Meiling walks past with Rachel, and PB stares at them with a REALLY flirtatious look) GF2: What are you looking at? PB: Oh, nothing, nothing. (GF2 turns back, PB continues to stare) (GF2’s phone rings, and she goes over to the other side to answer it) (PB goes over to Wangye, who is reading a magazine) PB: Hey babe, looking good tonight. (Wriggles eyebrows) (Wangye gives a forced smile, edges away) PB: Hey, at least tell me your name! (Wangye rolls eyes, continues reading) PB: Come on, I just want to be friends. Could I have your phone number? (PB stretches his palm to her and gives her a pen, Wangye writes. Meanwhile, GF2 turns around and see him) PB: (reading phone number) 9…99?! (Wangye whacks his head with the magazine and walk off. GF2 comes forward and pulls him by his ear off the stage.) (Back to Live with Calvin) Host: The last guy is perhaps the worst of them all – the irresponsible one. Scenario 6: Pregnant girl Narrator: GF is currently carrying pai kia’s baby but… GF: 我 有 了 你 的 孩 子 。 怎 么 办 ？ So are you going to marry me? You promised! Pai kia (looks happy): huh? Since when? 你 不 要 自 作 多 情 啦 ！I’m sure that your baby is not mine. GF: 这 是 咱 们 合 作 的 结 晶 啊 ！ How can you say that! Pai kia: haiya! You don’t come and cheat me. I know you are desperate to marry me cause I have lots of $$$. GF: how can you do this to me? 我 们 不 是 说 好 有 难 同 当 , 有 福 同 享 吗？(then faint) Pai kia walks away heck care. (Back to Live with Calvin) Host: Well, so much for love bringing happiness. Now, let us listen to what our two callers have to say. Caller (male): The examples were really classic! I'll watch out in the future. Caller (female): Me too! Host: So, do you all want to do some self introduction and list down some of your expectations, so that people interested can write in for your contacts? Caller (female): Oh okay. I’m a quiet girl looking for a humorous guy. Simple as that. Host: What about you XXX (male caller)? Caller (male): Oh, I am a guy who jokes around, looking for girls who will listen to me. Host: Aren’t you two fitted for each other then? (whatever lightning or spark thingy) Host: Well, I’m glad we have managed to match-make people. That’s all we have this week! See you next week on Live with Calvin! Bye! JoeChee: This show is proudly sponsored by McDonald’s. (Second Advertisement: I’m jamming it) Cashier: Good evening sir, may I help you? Guy: Can I have a fan-tastic burger please? Cashier: There you go, three dollars twenty cents. (Guy bites into burger, music starts and everyone runs out and says imjammingit) END
That was it. Last Day of Orientation. Friday the 13th. Ironically, I spent 15 hours out of home today.
The first part was the "Legendary War Games". I don't think it's as "legendary" as they (war games IC) made it out to be. Anyway, it was supposed to be a clash of the faculties (Ares vs Athena vs Artemis vs Apollo). So after a short briefing at the hall, the four facs went to various locations for the pre-War Games faculty session. Artemis stayed in the hall (yay). Mark, our Fac Head, told us his strategy. We were supposed to ally with Apollo, and focus on attacking Ares. Our 'war chant' was "Artemis, *clap clap*, rape (I'm quite sure it's "rape". wth is "rip red"?!) red (Ares), *clap clap*, heck green (Athena),*clap clap*, we will win". Hm... I wonder if the fact that Artemis and Apollo are twins, according to Greek Mythology, had anything to do with our choice of allies.
Oh, almost forgot to describe the game itself. Well, the war games is held at the school field, which is divided into four sections, each section being each faculty's territory. At the extreme ends of each fac's territory, there's a structure made up of tables, three tables high, with a chair on top. The fac shirt is tied to the chair, and two bottles are put at the sides of shirt. Basically, other facs have to throw water bombs at the, um shirt (forgot what they called it), and the water will then drip into the bottles. So at the end, the fac with the least amount of water in their two bottles won.
There were supposed to be three kinds of people.
The "forgotwhatnametheygaveit" (only 3 of them), who hold deflectors, which are long sticks with some panel at the other end. They stay at the fortress to try and deflect incoming water bombs.
The defenders, who stayed in the territory, trying to destroy or steal water bombs from invaders, before they threw the bombs at the... shirt.
And finally the attackers, who go into other fac's territories (WHAT IS IT with me and "territory"? I keep spelling it as "terrotory") to try and hit the other fac's... shirt with water bombs.
Oh, Mark, being the joker he was, added an unofficial type of person. The berserker. Don't think that needs explaining, lol.
Anyway, most of us didn't really care about distinctions about the three roles. We just did what we wanted to do.
After a long wait, everything was ready. We got off to a slow start though. But just for a short while. At first everyone was just walking, then we all realised what we had to do, and then it really begin. I remember holding two water bombs and going into Ares' territory, trying to hit their shirt. Some of their defenders tried to get hold of my water bombs, but I managed to evade them. Missed both of my shots though.
Ares cheated. They weren't supposed to cross our 5 metre boundary of the shirt-structure thingy. Many of them just came in and threw their bombs from the back. We couldn't really tell the Ares people from Artemis people. There were coloured armbands, but most of us didn't have them, and some were impersonating other fac's people by wearing other armbands anyway. Some bloody Ares **** even went pass the boundary and stepped on a lot of our water bombs! And to top it all, some just poured water into our bottles! What the heck. That was downright against the rules. It was really frustrating, seeing so many people massing the shirt structure and we could do nothing about it. Fortunately, the games ICs realised what was happening (not as soon as I hoped though), and put a stop to that. But not before we got scolded for using our flag to shield the shirt thingy. They started breaking the rules first. I think they also poured out some of the water from the bottles.
Oh, I forgot mention- the benches from the canteen were used to separate the four fac territories. And we were supposed to crawl under the benches, not just go over them, or we'd get slapped with wads of starch, courtesy of the "trigger" happy councillors with their buckets of starch patrolling the borders. Yes, starch. The white sticky stuff (some water was added, so it's not powdery) that harded after a while. Most of us just ran over the benches anyway. There were just so too many of us. The councillors couldn't get us all, haha. And there was also a starch pool in the centre of the whole 'battlefield'. That was where we could get more water bombs ('cos to quote Mark, "obviously 1000 bombs are not enough"). To get the bombs, we had to go into the starch pool and do forfeits, ranging from push ups, acting like monkeys, to singing songs. And while doing the forfeit, councillors would rub starch into our heads. After completing the forfeit, we'd be given straws to exchange for empty water bombs. One straw per person, btw. It didn't really seem worth it, haha. But it seemed fun. I didn't get into the starch pool though. I was still quite clean then, except for my really muddy sandals and feet. Gave people who were edging me on a lame excuse- "My watch might spoil with the starch". Oh well.
My "trying to stay as clean as possible so I won't have to wash up" mentality all changed when Yong Keong came up to me and gave me a "facial" with starch. Aargh. It was so sudden. I saw him with a weird face, walking towards me. Just when I was about to comment on his funky starch hairstyle, he put his two starch 'drenched' hands on my face! Crap. But after that I just didn't care about getting dirty anymore. Still didn't get into the starch pool though. But starch is fun, haha. People were using it to 'style' their hair, or smearing their faces with it. Of course, the only source of starch was the councillors patrolling the borders, so we had to 'steal' starch.
There was a mass shortage of water bombs at one point. Partly 'cos everyone was an attacker, and I think also 'cos facs were sabotaging each other's stockpile of water bombs. So they had to pause for ten minutes to re-issue empty water bombs for us to fill.
After that pause, though, I just stayed in my territory, walking around, looking out for invaders. It's quite fun to chase them, haha. A few times, when I spotted one, I just walked up slowly to them, and squeezed their water bombs before they even realised what was happening.
The last few moments of the war game ( they announced, "five minutes left"), was the most crazy. Almost everyone became a 'berserker', haha. And some of us put clenched fists under our shirts and ran into the enemies' territories, pretending to have water bombs hidden under our shirts. It was really funny when they came up to us and tried to squeeze our 'bombs', only to find that it was just our hands. One particular enemy defender was quite dumb, though. She kept squeezing my hand over and over until I went away. Can't they tell the difference between a hard fist and a soft water bomb? I suppose they're just over-zealous when it comes to defending their fortress, haha.
I was really hoping our fac would win when the war games stopped. I heard Ares' two bottles were over flowing with water, haha. All the facs were sort of ganging up on Ares, I think. And I think our bottles were quite empty. As it turned out, Apollo won. Apparently the most untouched fac was Apollo. Maybe it was 'cos their fac's territory was the most muddy, so no one dared venture into the area, haha. Well, at least our 'twin fac' won. Btw, on our way to the gathering point for the announcement of the winning fac, I took a look at the starch pool. It was borwn in colour! It was white at the very beginning. Yuck. All the mud from our sandals and shoes...
Cleaning up wasn't as tedious as I thought it'd be. I didn't really do much. Just gathered some broken water bombs and threw them away. Washing up was just a little difficult. Each fac had their own washing up point, where they hosed our feet to get rid of (some) mud. But even then, it was still 200 over people queueing up for one hose. After that, I went into the toilet at the CCA (almost wrote EP3 instead, haha. It's only called EP3 in the high school) block for a quick shower, to get rid of the harderned starch on my face, neck and, arms and in my hair. Starch is soluble, so it's quite easy to wash it off.
I was quite clean, I think, after the quick shower (with my clothes on the whole time, haha). But our class decided to go to the high school's swimming pool to shower (at the showering facilities there, of course! Not in the swimming pool itself). Some of us (the girls, mostly) didn't want to use the showers at the CCA block. Some even tried to just pick the hardened starch of their hair, lol. Anyway, on our way to the swimming pool, we saw that alot of other people were heading there too, so we changed our minds and decided to go to someone's house. Most of the girls went to Li Ting's house, 'cos hers was the closest. Maybe I was still 'high' from the games, but I volunteered my house for the guys. Well, my house was quite close... So the 9 (4 others went elsewhere) of us headed to my home. It almost an hour for all of us to shower. 3 toilets- two in my home, and one at the 'swimming pool' downstairs.
When we got back, the girls were already there. Lol, we took longer to shower. Well, Li Ting's house is walking distance... Went to SIM for lunch. The food's not that bad... though I prefer the western food at Coro. No one wants to go coro though. Dunno why... they all say "sian". I guess I didn't go there for meals as regularly as most of us did in our secondary school years.
I was already feling quite tired, but there were still over 8 hours left to the day! We went back to the college side to do a final rehersal of the skit. Went to LT5 for Faculty Judging. They were only gonna choose the best class item and best class flag from each fac for the Campfire. LT5 was really small. Why did other facs get the hall and Audi, while we were stuck in lousy LT5? There weren't enough seats for all of us, and our class went in late, so we sat on the steps. It wasn't that uncomfortable, I guess. Only the air conditioning didn't seem to work. All of us were feeling really hot. But it was probably also 'cos we were all sun burnt from 'warring' under the hot sun. Most of our faces were red.
So anyway our class item went first. There was a large table in the center of the 'stage'. It wasn't even a stage, actually. Crap. Our fac was the only fac that didn't have a location with a stage. %^&*. But I guess it wasn't that much of a problem. For our class, at least. We were doing a skit. Some others weren't as lucky- dancing.
SCRIPT: LIVE WITH CALVIN 
I was really nervous when it came to the announcement of the results. I really wanted our class to win the skit, so we could perform in front of the whole school. Not all of the class shared my enthusiasm though, probably cos my part was easy, haha. I really wanted our class to win something. There were three 'categories'. Overall winner, best flag and best class item. Mark announced the overall winner first. He started from the 5th best. When it got down to the last two, and our clas still wasn't mentioned, my heart was thudding like mad. We had a chance. "Zero Six Ess Six.... One!!!" Oh yeah! We all got up and started cheering! Yeah! Our hard work had payed off. I think we did a cheer, can't remember. But then not long after I realised something- overall winner meant nothing (well, if you don't count the pringles, gummi worms, and oreos that came with the title, haha). Only the best flag and best class item got to represent our fac at campfire. So... we still had to win. And we did. The best flag. Not the best class item though.
Well, Dawn put it quite aptly- "they can't let us sweep everything". And true enough, acccording to one of the judges, who is in our senior class, our class item was second. I think they didn't want to let our class be first. I really think we deserved to win though. We really put a lot of effort into it. And we made the audience laugh. A lot. Our class is really efficient. On the day we first got to know each other, a yahoo group was set up. The next day, a class blog was set up. by Tuesday, our banner was done, and by wednesday, most of the skit was finalised. Not like some class which did everything last minute. Our class spirit is really great... SIX ONE!
Anyway, we were behind schedule, so there was no time to grab dinner before campfire started. Speaking of "campfire", there wasn't really a fire. Not the whole time anyway. It started with some performance by the "Hwa Chong Band". No, no the school band. Our very own 'rock' band. Not too bad, though I'd have preferred if they got a guy to sing. And so 'campfire' started, with the fac's representative classes performing the class items and presenting their flags. The performances were quite good, only our class right at the back, so we couldn't really see much. They tried projecting 'live feeds' onto the walls, but 'cos of the lighting, the screen was quite faint. Our class represented Artemis with our class flag. I thought we'd win. Most other flags paled in comparison to ours. And I'm not just saying it cos it's ours. But Apollo's won. It looked quite nice, I think. More colourful. And ours was more of a banner than a flag... Oh well. At least we got to present it to the whole school.
After the class items and class flags part, and the fac dances by the council member of each fac, there was something going on which required volunteers, I think, judging from what I managed to hear. But our class wasn't watching, haha. We sat in a circle, right at the back, and played started to play murderer. Before we even finished a game, though, we stopped. 'Cos Chee Yang was singing! Can't remember what songs he sang.
Next was the light-up of the "Let's Jam!" sign! Jamie, the orientation overal IC, ran from one end to the other with a torch and set the pile of firewood alight. Then we watched as the fire slowly made it's way up to the sign, and burned the words. Our class was smart. We smelled the kerosene and spotted the sign long before it happened, and had already gathered right at the back. We got the best view! At first, only "Jam" was burning, We were all chanting "Let's, let's, let's, let's.....", waiting for "Let's" to catch fire too. And it did. Everyone cheered. Hm... now I wish I'd taken a photo.
Anyway, after the lighting up, we sang the songs "that our school traditionally sings". While the rest of the school was singing, our class got together with our senior class and started swaying. And jumping, at the chorus parts. It was really fun, haha. Then at some point, we decided to do a 'caterpillar', forming some sort of 'train' by putting our hands on the shoulder of the person in front of us and running around the compound, squeezing through the crowd. Sometimes they ran too fast and we broke off, haha, but it was fun. We ended by running into a male toilet, so the girls couldn't follow!
And then came the part that wasn't fun at all for me. The mass dance. Aargh. It's not like I didn't want to dance. I didn't have a partner. I know my class has a 1:1 ratio, but I think some of the girls paired up by themselves. And the girl that I danced with that other day didn't wanna dance at all. She claimed she forgot everything. Hm... So I ended up just dancing the one that didn't really require a partner with Isaac. Then when it came to the partner dances, we just stopped dancing altogether and watched the rest. Felt really left out. Sigh...
The whole thing ended with the four fac heads running around above us, in the buildings, with spotlights shining on them, before the reached the 'bridge', the center part in front of us. Jamie asked us, "What the theme of this year's orientation?!" for the last time, and it ended. We went back to the class bench to collect our bags. Decided to go for supper as a class, cos we didn't eat dinner (except for some pringles, gummi worms and oreos).
Went to Adam Road Food Centre. But it was still really crowded (at 10pm!), so we decided to da pao and go to Serene Centre. Most of just bought drinks. Only a few of us (including me) bought food. So we went to Serene Centre. Most of us sat on the steps. The few who bought food arranged some of the tables outside and sat together to share our food. stingray, char kuay teow, and beehoon goreng. Didn't really eat much. But I guess 'cos it was that late already, I didn't reallly feel hungry. Dunno what the girls talking about when they were huddling together, but some of us were playing a few 'lame' games. Like ji go pah, only weirder an less common. There's also this game that's unique to our class, haha. So at around 11pm, most of us started to leave. I left at around 11.30. It was a short ride home from Serene Centre. Oh, and before we left, our class rep Calvin passed us our first notes of our 2 years at college- "Economics Lecture Series #1-3". Aargh.
Fatigue.
hyperxi's life @
1/14/2006 01:27:00 pm
